Hi again. I hope you're having a wonderful day. For my third mission, I was asked to speak about a time I felt intense emotion. Whether it be happiness, sadness, anger, and etc. While reading this blog (a you'll know a little secret about me. Before I wrote my story, I was to read three readings What Is Creative Nonfiction By Lee Gutkind, Making Scenes In Memoir By Lee Martin, My Name Is Margaret By Maya Angelou Unfortunately, I wasn't able to read Maya Angelou's memoir because the website was acting strange, Lastly, I was suppose to draw comparisons to Maya Angelou's memoir but as I said, I couldn't read it. Based on what my professor had told me, there are some parts in Maya Angelou's story, where she is very angry. You'll find that within my story, I am angry at some points as well. I tried to link the readings for you. I apologize if it doesn't work, I'm new at this. In due time though, I will improve. Now, on with the story.
WHEN THE KILLER WITHIN GOT OUT I flew pass the security guard and rammed through the doors of the school. As the cold wind blew against my face, and sweat cover my skin, I thought, “Look what you made me do! Now I’ll have to be on the run all my life,”. I know that sounds purpostorious, but I’m fourteen years old. And I just committed attempted murder. Everything feels heightened as I try to get as far away from that school as possible. I can feel my heart pounding out of my chest, I feel like someone is watching me, and I can hear the leaves crunch beneath my feet. They crackle just like the heart of the person I harmed. I ran four blocks, “That should be far enough,” I thought to myself. A white car stopped in front of me before I could cross the street. My principle steps out of the vehicle. “I should make a run for it, or fight him,” I planned. But I couldn’t move, I was too distracted by the crying of her. The crying of the one I tried to kill. “Come on Bedouens, let’s go back to the school okay,” he said laying his hand on my shoulder. He slightly nudged me toward his vehicle but I was stiff, as stiff as the tinman without his oil. “So, what happened that made you leave school grounds Bedouens?” the principle asked. My soul began to throb as I cried. Cried like never before, I was drawing for breath, my throat hurts, and my eyes overflowed with tears. “I don’t know,” I replied. I didn’t want to revisit what I did. I still didn’t believe what just happened, so I kept quiet throughout the ride, just focusing on the outside. I stopped crying, I was distracted by the houses, the quietness of the neighborhood, the dead leaves littered on the sidewalk and grass. Maybe signifying the day I died inside. We reached the school and I noticed she had stopped crying as well. She got out of the car in silence and left. The principle told me to hold on, giving her some time to get in her car and leave. She didn’t just physically leave that November thirteenth day, she left me, all alone. But it’s my fought, I pushed the only person who cared about me away, the only person I would call mother. But she wasn’t my mother, she was my vision teacher. “Alright you can step out now,” the principle urged. I stepped out and headed for the school. For the first time, I felt oddly a calmness. It’s like I was walking down death row, accepting what’s about to occur. The principle walks beside me, putting his hand on my right shoulder while walking on my left. He didn’t trust me, he didn’t know if I’d run away again. I thought to myself. We entered the school, and I felt a weight upon me. Everyone was staring at me. The teacher’s passing by, the students in the hallway, and the guard I ran past before. It was like everyone already knew what I did, and they were disgusted with me. The principle, still controlling me like a puppet, nudged me to the office. He sat me down at a desk, and sat on the other side. “So, what happened that made you leave the premises Bedouens?” he asked again. I ignored him. Instead I listened to the lively sounds of children outside, I listened to the idling engines of the buses. “Bus one twenty seven, my bus is waiting for me. What will they tell him,” I thought. “Bedouens I need to know what happened. So I can tell your mother why you might not be coming home today,” the principle expressed. I looked at him with gleaming eyes. “I’m not going home today?” I asked him. “I won’t know until you tell me what happened,” he replied. “I don’t want to go home,” I said. The principle found his target and leaned in. “Why don’t you want to go home?” he questioned. Heat ran through my body. “Because, I want to escape,” I answered. I could feel him looking at me as if he had stumbled upon treasure. “Escape what?” he persisted. “If there’s a way for me not to go back home. I’ll take that way. I want to escape my mom,” I expressed. The principle folded his arms. “Why do you want to escape from your mom? Did she do something to you?” questioned the principle. I felt the need to share how I felt inside with him, he cared about the students at Drexel Hill Middle School. But I don’t trust anyone anymore, only Mrs. Julia. “I just hate my mom, that’s all,” I responded. The principle leaned forward in his chair. “So what happened with Mrs. Julia. She told me that you were acting a bit strange and that she felt a sharp pain at her stomach before you ran out?” he explained. I started to cry again, shaking. “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I thought I stopped myself before I could,” I yelped. The principle grabbed some tissues. “Bedouens here’s some tissues. Please tell me what happened, I don’t like seeing you like this,” he said. I wiped my tears but to no avail. This may sound fictional, but there’s a monster inside me. And on that horrid day, I lost control of it. “She was reading me my grades for braille. When, I felt an urge to hurt her. But I fought it off. The urge came back though, came back stronger. And again, I fought it off. But I didn’t notice that each time the urges came, I got closer to the knife in my bookbag. The urge came a third time, and I pulled out the nife and tried to stab Mrs. Julia. But when the third urge came, I was gone. All I felt was an emptiness. It felt like cold wind blowing through a whole. I thought I stopped myself though. I thought I pulled myself out of that feeling some how. Your saying I actually stabbed her,” I cried. The principle looked upset. “Bedouens, you’re an A student. We love you here at DHMS, why did you have to go and do something like that?” he said sort of like he was hurt. I cried even louder. ‘'Because I hate my mom. And Mrs. Julia was like a school mother to me. So I guess I let my anger out on her,” I wept. But that was a cop out. The real reason why is because Mrs. Julia was a beautiful woman. I may have not understood it at the time, but deep inside I knew I was sadistic. I wanted to hurt her, I wanted to make her scream, I wanted to feel her blood on my hands. But I didn’t want to believe it at that time. Yes my aunt made me this way but it’s just as much my fought as it is hers. But at fourteen, I couldn’t believe believe that I wanted to hurt Mrs. Julia. I thought some demon controlled me, but it’s me, I’m the demon. I couldn’t understand because how could I hurt someone I loved, someone who loved me. Maybe because I was harmed by the person who said they love me too. The principle took a deep breath. “So where’s the weapon?” he asked. My head was down, the guilt was too heavy. “In the room we were doing braille lessons in. It’s in my bookbag,” I confessed. The principle turned to his secretary. “Can you go check his bookbag please,” he said unhappily. The secretary left the office. He looked back at me. “Bedouens, stay here. I have to go make a quick phone call,” he told me. I sat and waited, disgusted with myself. But deep inside, now that I’m all alone, I regretted not killing her, not hearing her scream. And I knew that and was repawled. He came back almost looking saddened. “You won’t be going home today,” he ensured. A few seconds later, an officer came into the office. “Bedouens Philistin, please put your hands behind your back,” the officer said. Maybe it was the shock, because I couldn’t believe I was getting arrested. I was a good kid, the perfect child. That’s the way I was raised to be, but here I am getting arrested. When the officer started moving me out of the office, I said by to everyone there. “Bye guys. I’ll see you on Monday,” I said unknowing “By Bedouens,” they responded. Back to the hallways, everyone was stearing. I could feel there judgemental eyes. I felt like I knew what they were thinjking, because even though it made sense, I thought the same thing. How could this nice, A student kid going to jail. The seriousness of the situation struck when I sat in the back of a police car. “I’ve never been arrested before. Are you taking me to jail?” I asked a bit curious. There was a cage like thing that separated the front of the car from the back. “No, later tonight you’ll be going to a juvenile detention home,” the officer answered. “What’s that,” I asked. The handcuffs were sinking into my risks everytime we hit a bump. “It’s like jail but for non adults,” the officer explained. “Anyway, why did I have to arrest you? You seem like a nice kid,” he said. I looked outside, feeling a little sad. I thought I was going to jail forever, I thought I’d never see the houses, stores, and trees we were passing again. “I did something very bad. Something I’ll never forgive myself for,” I replied. It was quiet for a second. “Well don’t hold a grudge against yourself kid. Hopefully you just learn a lesson from all this,” the officer advised. We arrived at the police station. The officer stepped out of the car and opened my door.then scared “Can you step out okay?” he asked. I don’t know why but I was more curious then scared. I think that was my mind trying to forget this whole ordeal. “Yes, I can,” I answered him. It wasn’t easy with handcuffs on, but I got out of the car. The officer grabbed me by the risks and guided me toward the police station. When we entered, they sat me down in a small room. They told me to take off my belt, and the laces off my shoes. After doing so, they left me alone and had someone watch me from outside. I had a lot of time to think about what I did. When I went to Lyma, a juvenile detention home, I left the police station hating myself and even hating my mother more. THE END
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Hi there. Welcome to my first blog assignment, The Proust Questionnaire. Sit back, relax, and let's dive in.
1. WHAT IS YOUR IDEA OF PERFECT HAPPINESS? I'll find my perfect happiness when I'm surrounded by family, love, and life. Family doesn't have to be a blood thing. My family are those I met through schooling or outside. Now when it comes to love, I don't know much of it. But what I do know is, I want to be loved and give love. Whether that's with people, my team, or a girl. I believe that perfect happiness isn't bound by materialistic things. I believe that you must surround yourself with everything lively. Such as: nature, people, and vibrant energy. 2. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST FEAR? I'm scared, really scared. Why? Throughout my life people have taken advantage of my visual impairment. Even my aunt, the one person who was suppose to love me. I want to be something called a creative influencer. I want to impact the lives of others. I want to make a movement. But, the social media world, isn't the nicest place. People will betray you, people will stomp on you. But you need a team, it's rare to make it to the top alone. It's not easy to accomplish all those things I've listed without a team. But I'll get over this fear and find my team. Because I'm chosen. 3. WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN YOURSELF? If I'm to be completely honest, I'm perfect. An angel sent from God himself. What, you don't believe me. Hell yeah you don't. Perfect, perfection isn't something to be reached only on some occasions something to strive for.h I digress, my deplorable trait is laziness. I hate being lazy, but I'm that all the time. But I'm working on it okay. Don't dare judge me with those eyes of yours. Or go right ahead, the matter of the fact is, I'm always improving. 4. WHAT IS THE TRAIT YOU MOST DEPLORE IN OTHERS? Alright you caught me. I use to be a liar but not anymore. I don't like when people lie. I believe it's the cowards way out. And you're not a coward are you? My viewers can't be cowards now. Lying isn't good, unless you're married. Lie all you want to protect yourself, it's a necessity. Anyways, if you want me to like you, be honest. 5. WHAT LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST ADMIRE? If I say Sabatino Mangini, my professor, will I automatically get a passing grade? No, alright then I don't admire you anyway. You're dead to me! Haha, I love joking around. The person I admire today is Dwayne The Rock Johnson. This mountain of a man is the physical interpretation of hard work. His work ethic is beyond crazy and I only hope to have that same drive one day. 6. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST EXTRAVAGANCE? I got to ride in a nice limo. I mean, it was for a funeral which is sad. But I was in a clean suit and a nice limo so... 7. WHAT IS YOUR CURRENT STATE OF MIND? Accomplishing my little dream of becoming the most impactful social media influencer in the world. I'm working harder than ever before to make this a reality. It's hard, it's tough, it's stressful. But I made a quote that I copyrighted so. The quote is "Finding the treasure, isn't meant to be easy. Unless the treasure isn't that valuable," words of chozen. 8. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER THE MOST OVERRATED VIRTUE? Being kind. No, I'l say being overly kind. I was raised to be a cristian. So the rule was always to turn the other cheek. I call that a push over, and I once was just that. But when you go through something they call life, well you tend to grow a little back bone. At the least, I have. 9. ON WHAT OCCASION DO YOU LIE? Me, lie, never. I hate lying, don't you recall? I mean, I use to lie like a tired person. When I was younger, but that was out of fear. I'd lie to protect myself from my aunt's fury. So random but I'm watching this show, Agents Of Shield. Give it a watch, It's good! 10. WHAT DO YOU MOST DISLIKE ABOUT YOUR APPEARANCE? Now I feel like I'm answering questions for a dating site. Proust Questionnaire, more like Group Questionnaire. Bu the O is shaped like a heart. I'm not funny? Okay you're right. I don't my face sometimes. Puberty is really trying to hold on to this one sided relationship. I don't like these bumps on my face, stop it. 11. WHICH LIVING PERSON DO YOU MOST DESPISE? No one. I'll never despise anyone because that's a waste of my time and energy. I use to despise my aunt, but I've matured since then. 12. WHAT IS THE MOST QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A MAN? Now the immature youngins are going to thinjk this question is gay. But I like it when a man has his stuff together. He knows what he's going to do for a living, is hard working, and just trying to be the best that he can be. I find that admirable. 13. WHAT IS THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A WOMAN? Hey immature youngins, does this float your boat? I love it when a woman has her own goals and dream. I like when a woman can understand a man's ambition and help them get there. I believe that if a man and woman were in a relationship, it would have to be to individuals colliding to dominate life. Wow, sometimes I impress myself. 14. WHICH WORDS OR PHRASES DO YOU MOST OVERUSE? O.L.O.B my friends. It's a term that I created. And it stands for one life, one body my friends. I mostly use it in my youtube videos. A phrase I use everyday is be safe when I'm saying goodbye to someone. 15. WHAT OR WHO IS THE GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? Creative influencing. I love to create art, I will never stop doing so. And if the art I create can impact a person's life, then I'm all in. I can't see myself doing anything else with my life other than being a creative influencer. A person that has the power to move people. 16. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU HAPPIEST? Currently. I am no longer held down by those I was once surrounded by. My life is an interesting one, I HOPE ONE DAY YOU CAN READ ABOUT IT. I live on my own, my youtube channel is growing, and I'm attending college. I'm almost truly happy. 17. WHAT TALENT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE WANT TO HAVE? The art of dancing. Now I can move my body real nice, but when it comes to dancing skill, I'm out of luck. Hey maybe you can teach me to dance. If you're patient enough to deal with my visual impairment. 18. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Back then I would say my visual impairment. But I've learned to utilize by impairment to inspire those who constantly make excuses on why they can't. When they see me, a blind kid, accomplish his goals. I want that to inspire them to say I can. 19. WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER YOUR GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT? For those of you who don't know me, I attended an alternative school. My school was one out of five and my school didn't have a sign. Every new bus driver I had, kept saying where's the school and I have pride for my school. This is the short version of the story, eventually, I got tired of hearing people diss my school. I spoke with the head of the school to give us a sign. One day, I'm coming to school as usual and there it was, a red and white sign saying, CSF BUXMONT ACADEMY. It's funny how the blind guy gave the school something visual. 20. IF YOU WERE TO DIE AND COME BACK AS A PERSON OR A THING, WHAT WOULD IT BE? I'd come back as an alien. I already lived on earth for nineteen years, I'm a bit bored. So let me see other planets, let me take an outer look of earth and those who inhabit it. Interesting... 21. WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LIVE? At this moment, California. Only reason is, there's a lot of people who do what I want to do. And that is create content. So it would be the best if I could surround myself with other creatives. But that's slowly changing, wanting to live in Cali. 22. WHAT IS YOUR MOST TREASURED POSSESSION? My body, soul, and mind. I want to take care of these things so I can live a long prosperous life. 23. WHAT DO YOU REGARD AS THE LOWEST DEPTH OF MISERY? Humans are really their own worst enemy. Same goes for yourself, you are your worst enemy. So I believe that you are most miserable when yourself, becomes the problem for you. 24. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION? Youtuber, they had to fight for respect. Traditional media saw a youtuber as someone who just makes stupid videos online. But now traditional media are using the YouTube platform to reach out to an audience they never had. I want to be a youtuber. I believe they have the capability to do unthinkable things. 25. WHAT IS YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC? They say I have a magnetic personality. But I'm very to myself so where'd they get that idea? 26. WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN YOUR FRIENDS? My friends are creative, hilarious, weird, and caring. If you aren't these things, we're not friends are we. 27. WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS? If I say Sab (What, I already said that joke? Oh okay). Um, J.K Rollings and J.R.R Tokken are two of my favorite. Yes I'm a nerd and I've proud. 28. WHO IS YOUR HERO OF FICTION? My pick isn't really a hero but that's why I love him. He is the deadliest of poolsm Deadpool. (Oh I knew this day would come, I'd like to thank Thanos, and SpiderMan for letting me borrow his costume. Oh I'm crying tears of joy!) You're welcome Deadpool, you're welcome. 29. WHCIH HISTORICAL FIGURE DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH? I have no clue. I'm not anyone other than Bedrock. I'll be my own historic figure. 30. WHO ARE YOUR HEROS IN REAL LIFE? All those who have the ability to impact a life, are more than a hero in my book,. Those like: officers, doctors, teachers, firemen, soldiers, and creatives. 31. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE NAMES? Bedouens Philistin, I must put my name up there. Um, Jinson Cajamarca. I like names that are rare and unique. 32. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DISLIKE? I don't like it when a person throws away their dreams and settle for less. They're your dreams and goals, let yourself be happy by accomplishing them. 33. WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST REGRET? I knew this was going to be asked eventually. I regret hurting someone who I meant a lot to. They were a mother, wife, and my teacher. She cared about me more than my own blood could ever. But... I lost control. 34. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE? Oddly, I prepared for this question. I'd like to die protecting those I care about. Wait, resserect me because I'd also like to die in a glorious fashion. Sorry God, bring me back again, I promuse just one more. I'd also like to die protecting those who hate me or I have a problem with. 35. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? O.L.O.B my friends. It means one life, one body. And this is true so, work hard, love yourself, and be strong. I love you. THE END |
bEDOUENS PHILISTINMy stage name is t.m chozen. It stands for the messenger chozen. And to the world, my stage, boy do I have a message for you. Archives
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